I don't ever recall having to sit in the corner for being bad as a kid. While I definitely wasn't a menace—well, maybe a few times—I wasn't an angel either. My father would often tell me, "You're a good kid, and good kids are hard to find." When he'd say that, I always felt proud of myself. I wanted to be a good kid, and having my dad's approval meant a lot. But sometimes expectations don't match reality. What I'm about to tell you deserved more than having to sit in the corner; it deserved a spanking.
It all started with my trying to fly a kite on my quiet cul-de-sac. I was out in the middle of the street, not far from my house. I was running back and forth, trying to get the air to lift the kite, and wasn't having much luck. That's when the kite hit the ground hard, and I was grateful it didn't fall apart.
All my playing around was apparently too much for Mr. Gardner's basset hound. He wanted to come join the fun and came bounding down his driveway, tail wagging, straight for me. He looked friendly, but he's the one who also turned out to be a menace. He pounced right on top of my kite, ripping it with the nails on his paws. I sure didn't need a Charlie Brown kite-eating tree—not when I had the neighbor's dog to get the job done. It was destroyed! I don't know his name, but in my book, he was definitely a criminal canine. Thankfully, that would be my first and last encounter with the Gardner's escapee. It would be Mr. Gardner himself who I'd tangle with next. He was about to become my Mr. Wilson, and I was about to be his Dennis the Menace.
One of my best friends was Eddie McHugh, and I'm pretty sure he took piano lessons from Mrs. Gardner. Well, it was Eddie who convinced me to play a prank on ol' Mister Gardner, who was out on his driveway. It wasn't really payback for the kite, but something Eddie wanted to do.
Being best friends, I couldn't say no. So, we loaded our squirt guns to the cap and headed over to our unsuspecting target. We had agreed to spray Mr. Gardner at the same time, and I upheld my end of the bargain. I pulled the trigger as planned; Eddie didn't. We both took off running for the hills. In my case, out of sight was at the bottom of another neighbor's driveway. I remember cowering in fear. What had I done? Eddie had tricked me into a life of crime, or so I thought. If you had seen the look on Mr. Gardner's face, he was really, really mad. His yelling at us as we ran away definitely didn't calm our racing hearts. I knew I was in big trouble!
By the time I worked up the courage to go home, it was too late. The authorities had already been called. Mr. Gardner had called my parents, and I was busted. Here are our mug shots from second grade. I'm the one on the left, and Eddie's on the right. I knew I was in trouble, and what I had done was very wrong. For my punishment, I would have preferred spending time in the corner or even being spanked. Instead, I had to endure something far, far worse. I had to pick up the telephone and call Mr. Gardner back. I had to sincerely apologize and tell him I was sorry for what I had done. I did call him, and I'll never forget how scared I was to do it.
Now, every Christmas when I hear the song, "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth," I'm reminded of this event from my life. That's because ol' Mister Gardner was the man who wrote the song. And for one event in his life, I was his Dennis the Menace.
So, no matter what bad things we've done or how very good we've all tried to be, we all deserve to be in the corner, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).
In this Corner...I'm the Menace continues in Part II at:
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